Anger Management
Abû Hurayrah relates that a man said to the Prophet (peace be upon him): “Counsel me.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Do not get angry.” The man repeated his request many times, but the Prophet (peace be upon him) kept saying: “Do not get angry.”
[ Sahîh al-Bukhârî ]
As-salaamu ‘alaikum!
Everyone gets vexed at some point. I mean everyone. You could say it’s normal human behaviour, given the type of context and situation a person may find themselves in, it’s natural to feel angry. But when does it become a problem? When we display angry behaviour, which can become violent/abusive. But how can we control it?
It is also important to note the severity of the anger; the type that is disproportionate to the issue at hand. For example, whether someone intentionally or unintentionally did/said something wrong to you, or something you didn’t like. So you retaliate with full force and might of your strength, whether verbally or physically – in defence or to punish.
Uncontrolled anger can be detrimental to family relationships, marriage etc. Anyone can get angry, but by displaying your anger outwardly doesn’t make one stronger or macho. It is a weak man/woman who has to resolve to physically and verbally display their anger and take out their frustrations on others, especially if they are innocent.
Generally you can put people under four categories:
1. Quick to anger, slow to recover
2. Slow to anger, slow to recover
3. Quick to anger, quick to recover
4. Slow to anger, quick to recover
As you can see, the worst type is the first one. The type we should build into our character or work towards is the fourth, inshaAllah.
Don’t Lose Hope!
It is human nature to get angry. To get irritated and frustrated. It’s OK to feel what you like, but don’t express it. Don’t outwardly show it, control it, keep it in your heart, then work on removing it completely. Do dhikr, remember Allah, that’s the best thing to do. And don’t forget to breathe! Breathing is important when you’re angry. I watched an episode of Supernanny, and was amazed to see how a simple thing such as breathing can quickly defuse and calm the kids down. Same can be applied to kids and adults alike.
A quick search on the net shows there is a lot of help available, from self-help to professional sessions. Aa’oodhubillaah!, may Allah protect us before it ever gets to that level. There’s actually a lot that can be done through jihad-ul-nafs. Self-help through salaat (prayer) and dhikr (remembrance of Allah). I have listed below links to the best articles I’ve found on the web (in a short space of time).
I have tried to gather some information from an Islamic perspective and the results are below. My intention was not to simply copy and paste into this page, but you provide a list of resources where further information can be obtained.
As a bare minimum, a Muslim should do the following in order to deal anger within oneself, to help keep it under control.
Prayers (Du’a)/Positive actions:
a) Seeking refuge with Allah against Shaitan the accursed (try it several times)
b) Wudhu and/or ghusl (ritual ablution/purification)
c) Nafl (voluntary) salaat (at least 2 rakat)
d) Dhikr (remembrance of Allah), acts as a faith-reinforcement exercise.
e) Keeping silent (time-out!)
f) Shift position (e.g. if angry whilst standing, sit down; if angry whilst sitting, lie down)
It is said that we only hurt the one’s we love most. In reality you are hurting your own soul. Think about what you’re doing, think about the consequences of your actions. Ask Allah for forgiveness, and make peace with the people you’re angry with as soon as possible – even if it’s one-sided.
Check out the links below for details on prayer, techniques and references from Qur’an and Sunnah. Don’t be put off by the number of links/articles and the amount of information. Have a quick browse first, then pick and read the bits that are relevant/interesting to you. Life is too short to be spent in anger, instead, remember Allah and smile 
Sources, references and tips to control anger
Islamic links:
- Islam Awareness: some really good articles on the subject
- Anger Management in Islam: Excellent analysis of the problem and its cures
- Anger and Dejection: ends with: We Muslims believe that all our suffering, failures and adversities are nothing but a test from God, who has said that “You will not enter Paradise until you are tested. ” He has also said, “Be sure we will test you with something of fear and hunger, a small loss in wealth and lives and the fruits (of your labours), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, when afflicted with calamities, to God we belong and to Him shall we return.” (Chapter 2:15, 5-157).
- Anger Management
- IslamOnline.net:
- Islam QA:
- Controlling Anger, Forgiving Others
Secular links:
- Controlling Anger — Before It Controls You
- Anger Management Online: where there’s a great quote: “Anyone can become angry – that is so easy. But to become angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not so easy.” Aristotle
- Supernanny: When your child is aggressive
